Butterflies

This morning as I opened my car door, and pushed my sliding car seat forward to slip my lunch bag behind my seat, I noticed I had a guest.  It was a beautiful butterfly with  it’s wings closed as if it had just landed on a flower.  It baffled me as I thought about how and when the butterfly floated into my car, and without me noticing.   I know it had to have been inside for at least one day, as I hadn’t been in my car since the day before yesterday.  I blew on the butterfly to see if there was a chance that it was still alive, but as I suspected, it was not.  I began to feel a rush of emotions come over me: sadness, pride, compassion, sympathy, longing, and love.  Here I was, unsuspecting, receiving what I now view as a symbol, a gift, message of what’s to come.  This butterfly, for a reason not yet known to me, chose to lay itself to rest in my presence, promising me transformation, everlasting knowledge, and freedom.  I learned that butterflies are associated with death and rebirth, much like their life cycle.  They represent the souls of people who have passed away, as well as a sign of new life.  It could be that the spirit of my great-grandfather, my cousin who was taken away from our family a couple years back, or the soul of someone or something I have not yet met has come to pass a message.  It could be a symbol of life that I am now charged with bringing into this world.  Whatever it’s meaning, I feel honored by the visit, and wanted to share it’s beauty with you.

 

He’s gonna look like a baby!

The loverboy and I crack up when this commercial comes on!

It’s what we think when we buy this stuff!

Tool of Antiquity: The Jilbere Shower Comb

If you have curly hair, if you have thick or course hair, if you have hair that needs to be detangled often, then I hope you own a Jilbere de Paris Shower comb!

Check out the dipped teeth!

It is seriously a tool– it makes detangling your curly hair a cinch!  Your hair doesn’t snag, get caught, or ripped from the roots!  The dipped, wide teeth protect your strands, waves, and coils and makes it easy to spread conditioner evenly, and the curved handle makes it easy to store on your shower head!  If you don’t own one, then you are doing your lovely locs a disservice!!!!

Not to mention, it will only set you back about $2-$3!

I own about 3 of them: one for my shower, one for the road, and one just in case one of my unaware friends gets a case of sticky fingers!

A different kind of awareness

This past week I took a trip to see both my brother and sorority graduate; one from high school, the other from law school.  Because I waited last minute, my form of transportation was by bus.  But if you know me, you know I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.

While en route to DC, a met a wonderful woman who had many connections and was very experienced in life.  We talked about many subjects as if we had been acquaintances for ages.  She was a little older than my mother, so I naturally looked up to her, but she took a particular interest in me and my life of work (educator, anthropologist), and promised to connect me with some of her friends in my industry doing impressive work.  We talked about everything, from her short haircut, to the failing education system.  We started chatting about natural beauty/body and the importance of awareness in today’s sickening society.  I began ramble about ingredients, and how we as women in particular should stay away from harsh ingredients including parabens and the key ingredient found in anti-perspirant– aluminum.  What she said to me after this rant was disheartening, and I felt completely ignorant for the next five minutes as I listened to her:

“I am battling breast cancer.”

I was shocked, saddened, impressed, amazed, and confused all at the same time.  Here was the beautiful middle-aged woman with so much personality, a confidence that intrigues, and a bad ass haircut that only a woman who knows herself could rock.  How could she have breast cancer? I shortly found out that she had been diagnosed, healed, and later made aware that her cancer had come back, and now spread to her lungs.  I felt for her.  Until that moment, cancer hadn’t affected anyone that I knew personally, and even though I had just met this woman (we had been friends by this point for about 3 hours), I felt like it hit close to home.

She said two things to me that stood out, and are the reasons I am writing this blog.  I’ll admit I was suspicious and doubtful at first, but I’m starting to believe that she may be correct…

1.) If breast cancer affected more men, we would already have a cure and

2.) Cancer could be caused by anything, so just live…

The latter comment she made was in response to my purports about ingredients, so naturally I was doubtful and honestly, still believe that we should eliminate unnatural chemicals and activities from our lives that can knowingly harm us.  But she was completely accurate in that carcinogens could be everywhere and that sometimes we can’t avoid them– and I’m probably being exposed as I’m typing this blog…

As for the cure for breast and other types of cancer, I am saddened by this comment, but find it to be eye opening.  Men (as well as women) are capable of inventing, creating, discovering, building, and destroying all types of things that affect them.  But women endure the consequences.  Perhaps it’s in our biology; we’re delicate creatures that should be revered and cared for, but maybe because we’ve fought so hard to be equal, our bodies are now trying to show us otherwise.  This is not to say that women who get breast cancer or any other illness are in someway feminist warriors who’ve reaped what they’ve sown, but that our modern-day society has overlooked sex and “gender” (socially created roles) in the most significant and simple way possible:  that we are not created equal for a purpose.

There are many mistakes that we as humans have made all throughout history.  Most of them are related to defying nature.  Sure, we have qualities that set us a part from other earthlings including our free will and ingenuity, and we are the designers of countless great and even inexplicable works of art and architecture.  But unfortunately, we’ve also outdone ourselves in many ways, and hurt the planet along the way.  The combination of our imagination, self-determination, and ignorance have created both unimaginable accomplishments and fatal consequences.   It’s time we start taking responsibility and action and thinking simply.

I am so grateful to have met such an insightful and strong being this past weekend.  Who knew that I would be touched in this way?  We exchanged contact info, and have spoken via e-mail.  Because of who she is, I know she will not leave this earth before she has served her purpose, which may be a long time from now.  I’m just thankful for the wisdom of the Universe, and for my place and consciousness within it.

This may offend some but I can’t hold my tongue any longer…

Original post by fancyayancey in Mane Glory

Over the past few months as I’ve found myself immersed in my natural-hair care research I’ve come across ENDLESS videos, tutorials, tips and advice on new ways to manipulate natural hair to obtain a certain, defined look.  While at first I loved it, these days I don’t know how I feel about it anymore…well yes I do.  I don’t like it (I’m not taking a stance on whether it’s right or wrong).  I’ve talked with a few close friends about it, but haven’t spoken publicly on it because I didn’t want to hear the backlash.  Today however, after reviewing Curly Nikki someone did a post on this very topic which has now given me the courage to speak out on it.

I don’t like when natural-haired sisters consistently manipulate their hair to make it look like something that it’s not.

When I made the decision to stop wearing relaxers, I understood and accepted that the alternative would be to wear my hair in it’s natural state as it grows out of my head.  My rationale for this expectation was my group of friends that had already began the transition.  Those women never braided, twisted and rolled their hair in the hopes of acheiveing a different look the next day.  Nor did they spend hours at night carefully detangling, drying and trying various different styling options.  Their mentality was that they were accepting their hair for what it is and were going to fearlessly rock it.  I subscribed to that mentality.  Throughout my transition until now I’ve consistently rocked wash n go’s with the occassional roller set (once) or bantu knot out (once).

It wasn’t until last fall when people began asking me what I was using in my hair to get it to curl like that when the reality of the natural-hair community hit me.  Many naturals are obsessed with obtaining a look that is opposed to their truth.  I can’t tell you how many times I’d have to tell women that I did nothing to manipulate my hair texture and watch their eyes get disapointed.  “You mean that’s not a straw set?” or “You didn’t braid or twist your hair the night before?”

My mentality is why would I do that?  If my hair doesn’t already do that naturally, then what is the point?  For so many wanting these more defined looks and who are going through great lengths to get it, why not go down the street and put in a texturizer or something.  That texturizer would give you the look you spend hours attempting to manipulate anyways.  At this point, what makes many naturals any different than women with relaxed hair?  At least the relaxed chick had enough sense to make it easier on herself by cutting down on daily styling time.

I understand that people may say it’s so easy for me to talk because my hair has well-defined curls with zero manipulation from me.  Truth be told, I understood that about my hair which has helped push me to stay this way.  However, if curl definition is what I consistently wanted and my hair didn’t do that, I would be out here getting a texturizer or something.  Why fight my hair daily to acheive a look that it’s not trying to do?  Just like all those years I appreciated and wanted bone-straight hair.  Why on earth would I have been natural?  I eagerly applied my super-strength relaxers every two-months and watched my HEALTHY hair grow straight down my back.

People tought the unhealthiness of relaxers and how damaging they are but truth be told my hair was healthy with relaxers.  Many women I know with them take very good care of their hair and have healthier hair than many of these naturals do.  Healthy hair is healthy hair regardless of the presence of chemicals.

At the end of the day, it’s JUST hair.  Lol yes, quote me on that.  So what if you’re not “natural?”  If you want big curly hair, go get the perming system.  If you want straight hair all the time, go cop that relaxer.  And if you just want your hair to do it’s own “thing,” release it and see what happens…

So overall, the point of this is to say that I’m not into all of the extensive styling techniques to force your hair to look a way that it naturally does not do.  If you want your hair to look a way it naturally does not, there is probably a chemical out there for that.

No offense to anyone.  End rant.

P.S. I understand the idea of trying something new and rocking those twist outs/braid outs, etc on occassion.  My personal pet peeve is the woman who will never let her hair just be…she insists on rocking everything but her own.  And remember, I’m not saying if it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying I don’t like it.  I just enjoy seeing the different types of curls, textures and looks Black women acheive…when everywhere I turn the naturals have manipulated looks I get annoyed lol.

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What are your thoughts?

Read comments here <—

Oooh! How to make your cheap conditioner work wonders!

{at home hair spa} amped cheapie conditioner

cheapie conditioners don’t really work well on my hair. and when i say cheapie i mean the 1-2 dollar bottles like suave and vo5. they do okay, but it’s surely not anything to write home about or leave me impressed.

some naturals love these conditioners off the shelf, but they don’t really work that great for me out of the box so i have to amp them up to get the best punch. as a base however, these conditioners work great and can often be a great replacement for more expensive products that work at the same level once you mix in some goodies.

Read more here <—–

The shift…

The shift….

It really is up to us…

Genital Mutilation: American Edition

There are a lot of societal pressures placed on women out there these days, but this one takes the cake:  Hymenoplasty!  If you are confused, just think about what is said to happen to virgins the first time they have sex.  Get it now?  What about the term “cherry”, or the bursting of it rather…  Well there’s a new trend out there, a way to rebuild that little flap of skin called the hymen characteristic of a virgin woman.  All I can think about is how dare we ever judge another group of people for the way they treat a vagina, when it seems our reverence thereof is just as incomprehensible…

Check out this blog post–The love below: obsessing over the perfect vagina— and learn about hymenoplasty and how women have come to view one of their most precious gifts.  The choice is yours.

More than pink lotion: product recommendations for every style (reblog)

I stumbled upon this article on Madam Noire and found it helpful, especially for those wondering what to use without having to spend all your money figuring it out!  But remember, just because it works for others, doesn’t mean it will work for you.  Read the labels, ingredients, and sample whenever possible!  Oh, and less is always more!   Good Luck!

More than pink lotion: product recommendations for every style

Sometimes we want what we already have, and other times what we don’t…

Lisa Price of Carol’s Daughter talks about hair, identity, and the useless act of coveting one’s hair sister…

Watch this short video that features Solange, Cassie, and Selita, the newest faces of Carol’s Daughter! They may just make me want to give the beauty line one more chance;-)

Read Lisa’s most recent letter to her customers here.